Strategies for Responding with Poise

After passing my PhD qualifying examination,

I am about to start working part-time at a clinic, which means I have to face the inner demon of being told I am not suited to be a doctor once again.

Perhaps I truly lack the extra capacity to become an extremely professional, top-tier doctor,

but I know that some strategies I have worked on are effective and can be carried forward, at least enough to slightly fade

the barrier between myself and this world.

💡

TIP

Attempting to analyze from systemic causes why I give the impression of lacking composure, and trying to break them down step-by-step for improvement.

Background

Extremely Narrow Field of Vision

• I can only focus on one person at a time; I cannot respond in real-time to the reactions of multiple subjects.
• Even with the same subject, I can only focus on their facial expressions; other body language might be missed.
• During dynamic activities, I cannot observe the interaction of things in three-dimensional space, making it difficult to step in to help or react immediately.

Hearing Loss

• More loss in mid-to-high frequencies.
• There is a chance I may miss what other people say.
• Once the initiation of a conversation fails to establish, the resulting communication hindrance has a certain probability of impeding further social interaction.

Background of Upbringing

• Authoritarian discipline that comprehensively overrides independent opinions.
  • Being a yes-man.
  • Lacking self-confidence and the ability to think critically.
• Poor feedback from the surrounding environment leads to uncertainty about interactions.

Psychological Factors

• Subconsciously believing that all unsuccessful negotiations are caused by my own flaws.
• Setting an image that can perfectly respond to all communication and social expectations, which instead makes it easier to get stuck.
• Overly demanding state; exerting full effort and extra attention to meet the standards of a normal person paradoxically increases anxiety.
• The interaction between environmental anxiety and pressure easily causes a negative feedback loop.

Outward Manifestations

Speaking

• Pitch easily rises and becomes high-pitched.
• My pace of speech easily quickens.
• Volume easily increases involuntarily.
• A habit of speaking while staring intensely (placing all attention on the other person's facial responses).
  • Similar to how a cat receiving excessive attention from a stranger triggers a natural avoidance response.
• All the above can give people a sense of extra oppression, or even create unnecessary hostility.

Spoken Content

• Imperative and ordering sentences learned from the family environment easily make people unhappy.
• Habitually negative opening particles also hinder the unfolding of normal communication.
• Too many "I feel..." and "I think..." easily increase the uncertainty of the speech, reducing its persuasiveness to others.
• Many redundant and superfluous words stem from an extreme fearful thought of being unsure if the other person understands.

Body Language

• In order to compensate for visual field loss, increasing the frequency of eye scanning and head-turning movements gives an impression of anxiety.
• Hunched, withdrawn body movements tend to suggest submission rather than dominance.

Countermeasures

• Practice slowing down speech speed, and modulating voice and tone.
• Self-imagine the sincere voice of a senior elder, and use his image to shape my statements.
• Mental preparation: practice perceiving communication barriers and anxiety reactions caused by heightened attention, to stabilize my overall demeanor.
• Remember that it is not true that there are no external means to counter not hearing clearly; adjusting the frequency of a hearing aid or politely asking the other person to speak louder are viable means, rather than just stubbornly struggling in silence.
• Moderately lock eye focus at a slight distance away from facial expressions, maintaining an impression that you are paying attention to them while possessing the poised elegance of a little distance.
• Reduce the obsessive thought of hoping the other person must absolutely understand and that communication must be flawless. Be more confident in your own words, and let the rhythm of the conversation unfold slowly.

Role Model: The King's Speech

• An unfavored heir to the throne underwent a period of arduous training to treat his stutter.
• At a critical moment, he used a sonorous and powerful tone to inspire the entire nation.
• The meaning was not as simple as stutter correction; it also represented the establishment and certainty of self, self-esteem, personality, and core values.
• Constantly thinking, refining, and polishing these, and finally radiating them outward with confidence.